


we push and pull like magnets do

by larry_is_mine



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Gryffindor Liam, Gryffindor Louis, Happy Ending, Jealousy, M/M, Miscommunication, Past Character Death, Ravenclaw Niall, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, Slytherin Harry, i somehow stuck the original characters from hp in here, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-15 21:36:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10558082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larry_is_mine/pseuds/larry_is_mine
Summary: He’s reluctant to even think about it but Louis has got to admit that maybe, probably, having Harry Styles tutor him isn’t a completely horrible thing. He was still an insufferable prick that seemed to be constantly looking for the best way to have him in everything they discussed – well, everything except Potions, obviously, considering Louis was the highest grade in that class, but point made – but it was the first time in months Louis was actually able to get through more than five pages of reading material without imploding from stress while actually learning something from it all.or Louis finds himself struggling with dealing with exams and has to deal with somehow getting stuck with Harry Fucking Styles of all people as his tutor.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LSFOREVER](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LSFOREVER/gifts).



> I want to thank Kristen, Alexa and Zoie for being my main support system for all of this. I love you guys a lot and if it hadn't been for you I probably wouldn't have finished it. I feel like it may be a bit rushed and i'm so sorry but i still hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> A special thanks to LSFOREVER for giving me this lovely prompt, I hope you like what i've done with it. I will admit i took a sweet little prompt and made it angsty. So, i hope you like it, really. I sort of took the prompt and went overboard with it. I've worked so hard on it and i still feel like it's not good enough but here goes.

** we push and pull like magnets do **

** chapter one **

****

Louis found himself sitting in a corner of the Gryffindor common room, surrounded by books and parchment more often than he’s likely to admit these past few weeks. There was a constant headache pounding at the back of his head and he’d raise a hand to lightly rub at the spot between his brows, taking off his glasses for a moment or two, before groaning and going back to staring hatefully at the mess around him. There had been too many assigned essays and projects last week and now the professors had claimed to have mercy on them so they’d be able to properly study for the – honestly dreaded and true to their name– N.E.W.Ts.

 

Clearly, professors didn’t know shit about the meaning of mercy.

 

The seventh years were all either scrambling to gather the books and research necessary to be properly prepared or drinking away their worries and hoping for the best when the day came. It was horribly exhausting all around and Louis had clearly underestimated the stress that came along with these fucking exams and now he was regretting ever enrolling in this god-forsaken school in the first place.

 

“Liam, I can’t do this,” he groaned, flopping back against the seat and turning his head to look at his best friend, sitting next to him with a very similar pile around him. “I should just let myself fail, I can become a till attendant at the Leaky or maybe at the Hog’s Head, just no more books, please.”

 

“Don’t be dramatic, Lou,” mumbled Liam, head sill bent towards the book in his lap, eyes flashing from it to the notepad on the armrest – courtesy of his lovely muggle-born boyfriend – while his hand wrote at a truly impressive speed, never deterring the page turning movement of the other. “ya just need to dedicate some time to it and you’ll be good. Plus, it’s not like your likely to fail, you’re brilliant and Professor Malfoy loves you so you have an O secured for potions.”

 

He flashed a quick smile at Louis, turning his head only slightly for a second before going back to his enthusiastic – panicked, if you ask Louis – note-taking. His focus only makes Louis sigh harder, leaning back in his chair and eliciting a long, drawn out moan that makes three first years walking toward the dormitories stop and blush.

 

“Li, I need some genuine help on this please.” he knows he’s being whiny but right now that’s the least of his worries and all he wants is some attention, and maybe a pint later on. “I’m good on Malfoy’s class but I need help on everything else. I mean, Longbottom’s class alone is enough to give me a right horrible hernia soon enough and that’s not even thinking about Flitwick, who I’m pretty sure is older than McGonagall and she’s about as old as time itself.”

 

“Stop being rude about the professors and maybe they’ll be a bit more lenient then, Tommo.” replies someone that is most definitely not Liam, their voice too rough and heavy with an Irish accent to be him.

 

“Niall Horan!” he shouted jumping from his chair in a haste, not caring about the pieces of parchment and the books that fell down along with his movements, launching himself at the laughing brunette boy in front of him, making him stagger back slightly and wrap his arms tightly around the energetic bundle of Louis in his arms. “Merlin, I’m so happy to see you! Your boyfriend is a right bore and refuses to listen to my complaints.”

 

“I am _not_ a bore.” Liam chimes from his seat, his face set into a disbelieving pout and his arms crossed over his chest. “Lou’s just bitter as a goblin because I refuse to make him a fully disclosed review like you taught me. He needs to study! And plus, it’s not like he’s gonna fail in the first place, every single professor loves him!”

 

The boy is flailing his arms around wildly, one hand clutching a quill that spatters ink all over his sleeves with each wave and the other smacking down on the book in his lap. Niall just laughs fondly at him, blue eyes going soft as he watches the other boy argue Louis’ last statement while lowering a huffing Louis gently to the ground. Once he’s rid of the other boy’s weight, he simply walks over to his boyfriend and kisses him gently on the lips, effectively shutting him up and making him sigh contentedly against his mouth.

 

“Hey, babe.” there’s laughter in his voice as he talks, moving Liam’s books from around him and sitting comfortably in his lap, arms looping around his neck and nuzzling lightly into his neck before turning back to Louis, making Liam wrap his arms around his waist and tuck his chin comfortably into his shoulder. “If you really need the help, Tommo, I’ve got a mate who’d be more than happy to help.”

 

That makes Louis perk up instantly, gloominess and dramatics pushed aside as he bounds toward Niall giddily. “Really?! You mean that?” he yells at him, making the other boy chuckle and nod as Louis puts his hands on his shoulders and shakes him excitedly. “This! This is why I love you more than Liam.” there’s an affronted shout of _hey!_ from Liam that he ignores as he continues “You’re the best thing to happen to me and I love you, Irish, I owe you my sanity.”

 

“Sure thing, Lou.” he chuckled, cuddling farther into Liam’s embrace making Louis roll his eyes fondly at the movement. “Just make sure to tell me when you wanna start so I can warn Haz beforehand, will ya?”

 

That makes Louis freeze, hands still above his head where he was waving them around. “Wait, _Haz?_ ” he lowers his hands slowly, the confused frown on his face quickly morphing into a glare as he realizes just who Niall was referring to. “Haz, as in Harry Styles, Niall?”

 

Niall has, at the very least, enough decency to look sheepish, shrugging his shoulders lightly and looking up Louis from underneath his lashes. “Uh, yeah?”

 

Louis really wants to strangle him. Like, completely and utterly obliterate him, honestly but, instead, he opts for dragging a hand down his face in annoyance, glaring at Niall as he sits down on the empty armchair behind him, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees as he stares Niall down.

 

“Are you meaning to tell me that you, Niall Horan, dear friend of mine of about seven years who knows me better than half my family, probably, genuinely just offered to ask Harry _fucking_ Styles to be my bloody study-buddy?” the brunette only nods, head moving up and down slowly as he stares at Louis, face pinched in consternation –and a bit of fear if he’s being honest –as he shuffles back into a laughing Liam’s embrace and Louis pinches the bridge of his nose, fingers jostling the glasses perched on it as he scoffs out an incredulous laugh. “He’s a Slytherin, Niall! Hell, he’s _the_ Slytherin!”

 

“Oh come off it, Louis.” Niall huffs, breath making his bangs flutter against his forehead. “You better than anyone know how unfair and utterly old-fashioned those stereotypes are! And you have other friends from that House so I fail to see what that has to do with Harry being able to help you out. He’s quite nice sometimes, you know.”

 

“Are we talking about the same Harry Styles? As in, Harry Styles, ice fucking prince of Slytherin House? Pure-blood extraordinaire? Complete and utter asshole that made sure my whole damn childhood was made a fucking nightmare? _That_ Harry Styles, Ni?”

 

“Uh, yes?” Niall responds, eyes wide and blue and too bloody endearing for this situation, _honestly_. And, really, this is not the time to be having nice feelings toward Niall because he just insinuated that Louis would ever actually accept help from Harry, like, what the hell.

 

Louis just stares at him for a beat longer, head cocked to side and hands tangled together in front of him making the other boy shuffle around uncomfortably under his gaze before he slaps his hands against his knees and stands up, walking away from the mess of the common room and toward the stairs to the dormitories. He turns around long enough to throw a stinging hex at Niall, making the boy yelp in pain and Liam groan indignantly at him.

 

“Wait, where are you going?” asks Liam, lifting his head up from where it was resting comfortably on Niall’s shoulder, looking around the boy rubbing at his arm in his lap to stare at Louis’ retreating form. “You can’t –you can’t just leave all this shit here Louis, where are you going?”

 

“I’m going to my room, to sleep like a normal person. Make your boyfriend pick it up, it’s his punishment for making utterly ridiculous suggestions. Night!” is all Louis says before he disappears around the corner and into the staircase leaving behind him a mess of books and parchments right along a laughing Niall, and an annoyed Liam.

____________

 

He really wishes he could say he was a lot more strong-willed than he is but the truth of the matter is that he’s not – especially on stressful, school-related things. So, yeah, Louis lasts all of five days before the stress of studying for exams he’s sure to fail becomes too much. The triumphant look on Niall’s face when he tells him as much is enough to make Louis think twice about actually giving in and consider that maybe failing these exams won’t have as much of a toll on his future as he thinks but then again, they will and he’s desperate.

 

“Knew you’d come around, mate.” Niall says, doubled over with laughter as Louis stands over him, hands on his hips, an annoyed frown on his face. “You were real desperate.”

 

Louis simply rolls his eyes and sits down on the empty desk next to the blonde, huffing out an annoyed breath that makes the bits of his fringe falling over his eyes flutter lightly. “Fuck you, Horan, just tell him to meet at the library if he’s up for it otherwise he can fuck right off.”

 

“Ya might wanna cool it with the curses at him, darling boy, McGonagall can hear you and she’s glaring at you quite badly from the desk.” there’s a bright smile on his face as he says it, eyes sparkling with mirth as he looks from Louis to the fuming woman at the desk and back. “I’m surprised you haven’t fallen to the ground yet, she’s glaring at you something fierce, mate”

 

“I wouldn’t be cursing this much if it wasn’t for you and your bloody horrible ideas.” He mutters at Niall, eyes narrowed into a scathing glare aimed at the other boy as he settled into his seat, taking out a Liam-given notepad and pen before turning around to look straight ahead. “I mean, honestly, Harry fucking Styl-“

 

Louis cut himself off as he door to the classroom opened with a bang to show none other than the fucking Ice Prince himself. He had his long hair half up in a bun, the rest of his curls draping themselves over his shoulders delicately. His robes were as plain black as everyone else’s and yet, he’d still managed to make them look flawless and unique. The green and silver tie around his throat matched his eyes perfectly and suited his pale complexion wonderfully.

 

It was as though he’d been created to be a Slytherin. Created to rule them.

 

And Louis fucking hated him for it.

 

He sauntered into the room with his two faithful little goons right behind him, as Harry swept his eyes over the classroom, eyes settling on Louis as a smirk curled his lips upwards. The two boys behind him walked in almost complete synchronization, dark hair pulled up into quiffs taller than their egos and a constant scowl on their faces. Their perfected scowls turned into confused frowns along with Louis as their leader steered in the completely opposite direction and sauntered over to Louis, making the boy’s eyes widen momentarily before they narrowed into slits as he glared at the boy.

 

The three reached Louis and Niall, Harry taking the seat directly next to Louis, leaving the other two to seat in the empty chairs behind them making the girls siting on either side of them giggle nervously at each other and curl their hair behind their ears.

 

“Hello, Louis Tomlinson,” was the first thing out of Harry’s mouth as soon as he sat down, Louis scooting away from him and closer to Niall on his left, rolling his eyes and busying himself with the gold and crimson tie around his neck. “And Niall, love, how’ve you been?”

 

“Been as well as I was when you saw me half an hour ago, Haz” laughed Niall, eyes rolling fondly at the boy as he nudged Louis with his elbow, encouraging him to answer the other boy, only managing to annoy him even more and receive a vicious glare.

 

Harry nodded at his response half-heartedly, eyes never straying from Louis’ face. He could feel the heat of Harry’s gaze on his face, making it twice as hard to ignore his presence and go on with his miserable life. He sat up straighter, hands releasing his tie and going to his class materials as he stared up directly at the desk at the front of the classroom. He thinks it was made pretty fucking clear he wanted to be left alone and was not up to forming any kind of conversation with the boy sitting to his right.

 

Apparently, though, the Ice Prince found it hard to take a hint.

 

“You know, Louis Tomlinson, it’s considered quite rude to ignore someone when they attempt to speak to you. Especially someone of my caliber and social standing.” he says, his words making Louis turn towards him with an incredulous look on his face before snorting derisively and turning away once again. “It’s only the most basic manners, though I wouldn’t expect someone with the likes of your lineage to know that.”

 

That makes Louis freeze, shoulders tensing up as he turns to the other boy, face crumpled into a venomous glare, eyes flashing between anger, hurt and annoyance. He curls his hands into fists, wand creaking with the strength behind the movement, the other snapping his quill in half.

 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, you absolute piece of spoiled shit?” his words are closer to a growl than they are to actual words and he can see Harry flinch away from him minutely when he speaks, green eyes sparking with fear before he schools them back into an unimpressed stare. “Just because I don’t live in some sort of ice fucking palace like you and the rest of your unfortunate family doesn’t mean I don’t have any manners. I’d just rather not talk to the likes of you.”

 

“Don’t talk about my family like that, Tomlinson, you have no idea who they are and what they know, so shut your worthless trap right now.”

 

“Then get the fuck away from me and stop talking about mine, brat.” Louis answered through gritted teeth, rolling his eyes angrily at him, turning away from the boy to pack up his things and stand up, smiling apologetically at McGonagall, who only rolled his eyes at him before turning back towards the classroom, and walking out of the room, slamming the door behind him, the sound of McGonagall starting the lecture following his exit.

 

He walked away with anger boiling in his veins not thinking to look back, missing the defeated slump of Harry’s shoulders as he watched him walk away, flinching away from Niall’s furious whispering.

 

He walked briskly through the halls, brushing past other student and walking straight through some of the castle ghosts on his way to the library. His grip on the books in his arms was enough to have his knuckles turn white from the force, fingernails scraping at the worn bindings. His gaze was fixed on the floor, a raging mantra of _‘asshole asshole asshole asshole’_ running through his brain that managed to slip from his lips every few seconds and drowning out every sound around him except for the loud beating of his heart.

 

His internal ranting was stopped cold in its tracks when his body collided with a taller one. The impact made his steps falter, books falling from his arms and bang echoing loudly across the hall.

 

“Shit, fuck, fuck, fuck.” he muttered under his breath, teeth clenched in frustration as he attempted to pick up his books from the floor with shaking hands, simultaneously swatting back the bag hanging from one his shoulders. “I hate this day, it’s the worst fucking day – I deserve a fucking break – Merlin give me strength, I will strangle them all and then strangle myself – I hate life, I hate school, I hate this all, good fucking lord-“

 

A soft, amused chuckle broke him out of his rant and made him freeze, head snapping up to look at the person he just realized he probably hit and _oh shit, oh merlin, oh god, no no no no_.

 

“Xyan, hi.” he said, voice cracking nervously. He cleared his throat harshly, running his hands shakily through his fringe, pushing back the stray strands of hair that fell on his forehead. “Yes, uh, hi, Xyan, hey.”

 

“Hi, Louis,” the boy chuckled, extending a hand towards Louis with a sweet smile on his lips. “You okay there, then? Looks like you might need some help.” He cocked his head slightly to the side, adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder while he shook the other at Louis teasingly, wiggling his fingers at him.

 

“Uh, yeah, yeah, thank you.” Louis mumbled softly, cheeks a warm pink color as he put his hand on the other boy’s, pale skin clashing with Xyan’s warm, olive color. He straightened up, books falling to the floor with a thump making him blush harder and run a shaky hand through his fringe, pushing back stray strands of hair that tickled at his forehead. “Um, was it you I just ran into? Be-because if it was, I’m, like, so sorry? Why did that sound like a question –it’s not a question I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you, I was just a bit rushed and I wasn’t looking at where I was going and I’m really so-“

 

“Hey, hey, Lou!” laughed Xyan, hand still gently grasping Louis’. “It’s fine, I swear. You didn’t do much more than dent my robes, at most. It’s fine, darling.”

 

The boy crouched down in front of him making Louis’ breath stutter lightly when he smiled up at him briefly from the floor before straightening his body once again, Louis’ books in his hands. He stretched out his arms, pushing the books back into Louis’ arms with a warm, gentle smile on his face.

 

“Oh!” Louis gasped softly, hands shaking as he took the books back, blushing bright red when their fingers brushed together in the process. “Thank you, Xy, really. You didn’t have to do that, like, at all.”

 

“It’s alright, darling.” he chuckled, rolling his eyes fondly at Louis’ stammering as he fixed the strap of his book bag higher on his shoulder, “So, I’m guessing you were headed for the library in your angry rumble, then?”

 

“Uh, yeah, I was actually,” he cleared his throat, brushing back a stray piece of fringe from his forehead. “How’d you know?”

 

“Lucky guess.” Xyan laughed, small crinkles forming at the very edge of his eyes as he looked fondly down at Louis flustered state. “Uh, no, it was the abundance of books and the fact that we ran into each other about five feet from the library doors.”

 

“Right, of course. Why-why do you ask, then?” he asked, heart stuttering in his chest when the other boy simply cocked his head. “About if I’m going to the library, I mean.”

 

“I was wandering if maybe you’d like some company is all.”

 

“Yeah, def-“

 

His reply was cut off by a familiar snarky laugh behind him. “I think he’ll be fine, muggle. You can leave him to his own devices now.”

 

The snooty tone of his voice was enough to have Louis’ anger boiling in his veins as fiercely as it had been when he’s barged out of McGonagall’s classroom. He whipped around furiously, biting remark ready when he felt Xyan’s warm hand land on his shoulder. It was enough to calm him down momentarily, its effect marginally enlarged by Louis noticing how Harry tracked the movement, his eyebrows furrowing angrily when he saw the reaction Louis’ body had to a simple touch from the darker skinned boy.

 

“How the hell did you even get out of class, Styles?” Louis asks, tone incredulous and steadily getting angrier as he speaks. “ _Why_ are you even following me out? I left that room to get away from you and your brooding lapdogs.”

 

“It’s called walking, Louis Tomlinson, I’m sure you’re capable of doing so on your own.” he bites back, eyes quickly darting away from Louis’ own and back towards Xyan’s arm around the small boy’s shoulders. “Without assistance from unwanted, muggle company, I’m sure.”

 

Xyan simply laughed quietly at Harry’s reaction and moved forward so as to wrap his arm completely around Louis’ slim shoulders, making the smaller boy shiver slightly and jostle the pile of books in his arms, completely oblivious to the satisfied smirk he’d directed at the other boy. “Hey there, Styles, ma’ boy. How’s it going?”

 

“Do not refer to me as though we are even slightly equal, muggle.” he retorted angrily, teeth grinding harshly as he practically hissed out his words. “Get your hands off him, mongrel, he can walk to the library just fine by himself.”

 

Harry whipped out his wand, firing off a stinging hex at Xyan’s arm, making the boy stumble backwards and wince slightly, rubbing at the reddened area before returning to his previous position. It was clear from Harry’s stubbornly confused gaze that he’d been expecting retaliation from the other boy, the two boys behind him gripping their wands tightly, ready to fire off any hexes or curses necessary were a fight to break out between the two.

 

“No, you know, I don’t think I will.” Xyan replies, adjusting his grip on Louis’s shoulder slightly and looking down at the star struck boy under his arm before turning back to face Harry with a smug smile on his face. “I think he’s quite okay with me holding him like this and helping him walk to the library with a little company, aren’t ya, Lou?”

 

“Yeah,” his reply was breathy and airy like he’d been dazed and it made Harry’s brow furrow further. “Ignore him, Xyan, let’s just go to the library. I’m sure he’ll go away.”

 

He walks a few steps forward eagerly, turning back around to watch the dark-skinned boy walk towards him and smiles when Xyan lets loose a short peal of laughter that warms him to the core when he realizes he’s the cause of it. He can feel the weight of Harry’s stare on them, picturing the frown on his face, his knitted together and clenching jaw perfectly. He flinches as one of the boys behind Harry steps forward, fist clenched around his wand, his other hand extended as he makes a grab at the back of Xyan’s robes only to be stopped by Harry’s hand on his chest.

 

“Don’t do that, Aaron, that shit will only manage to get you detention with Malfoy and he’s ruthless when it comes to this.” Harry hisses, jaw clenched tightly as he tightens his grip on his wand and walks forward, muttering under his breath. “Leave that to me, I want some fun.”

 

He grips the back of the dark skinned boy’s robe and pulls, causing him to lose his balance and stumble backward. He fell onto the floor with a _thump_ , the sound of a glass vial cracking under his head echoing as the hallway fell silent, the few straggling students wandering around stopping to watch the scene unfold along some of the castle ghosts.

 

The boy froze as soon as the vial cracked under his head and the clear green liquid started pouring out onto the floor. The smell coming from it was sweet as strawberries and it made Louis move stupidly forward, books swaying forward dangerously, following the scent blindly only to be stopped by Aaron’s surprisingly gentle grip on his arm. It was as though the vial breaking had frozen time in that hallway, while at the same time calling all sorts of attention to the scene.

 

In mere seconds the crowds gathered around them had started a furious whisper, each person talking furiously to the one on their side. A little third year was suddenly sent away by her peers, her feet smacking the floor beneath her on her way to McGonagall’s classroom. As soon as her cloak has disappeared down the corner it was as though everything had been set back into motion, Xyan scrambling up from the floor quickly, his hands shaking as he tried to, futilely, clean up the mess the potion had made.

 

It’s like he’d forgotten he has a wand in his pocket that could clean the mess up in the blink of an eye, and Louis could, probably should, do it too but he couldn’t really do much more than stare at the mess Xyan had become over a vial of – well, whatever was in it.

 

Louis couldn’t do anything but watch, Aaron’s hand still holding him back, as Harry simply stood there, watching the scene play out in front of him with a blank look on his face, stepping back calmly when McGonagall came barreling through the hallway with the rage of a blood crazed bull etched on her face. Harry’s lips twitched slightly, almost as if a smile was wanting to break through the stone cold look on his face as McGonagall hauled Xyan up from his crouched position by his robes and pulled him along down the hallway, seething furiously.

 

“Alright, back to class, all of you!” she snapped at the crowd of dumbstruck students that had gathered in the hallway making them fluster and scramble off into different directions quickly as she turned back towards the boys involved. “Off to the library, the lot of you, I’m dismissing class. You, Mr. Styles, are being laid off easy today because your peer did something much worse but I expect much more from our Head Boy, understood?”

 

“Yes, ma’am.” Harry replied, head bowing slightly in embarrassment. “I apologize.”

 

“Good.” she nodded and turned way, walking down the hallway with brisk steps as she tugged at Xyan’s robe sleeve, furiously whispering to him.

 

Louis stood there for a minute, staring at the place where McGonagall and Xyan had been standing just moments ago and wondering just what the fuck had been in that vial that had managed to freak everyone out so badly. It made no sense whatsoever that someone like Xyan would even have something worth McGonagall freaking out over in his possession and _know about it_. Enough to want to hide it no less.

 

It was confusing and quite disappointing.

 

He was shaken from his thoughts by a shard tug at his arm that jostled the pile of books in is arms dangerously, making him look up at the person responsible for the bother with a glare. He found a smiling Aaron staring back at him and his glare softened momentarily before he realized where they were leading him and snatched his arm out of the other boy’s hand.

 

“What the fuck are you three doing, exactly?” he snaps, holding his arm protectively to his chest and rubbing his wrist against his robes as if to clean any grime off it. It makes Harry sigh in annoyance and it fills Louis with a childish sense of satisfaction he will probably never admit to.

  
“We’re going to the library, Tomlinson, we have a study session scheduled.” Harry replies, turning around and walking ahead with his spare goon while Aaron stays back next to Louis. It’s like he fucking expects Louis to follow and that’s annoying in itself.

 

“I’m not going anywhere with any of you, I think that’s pretty fucking obvious, _Styles_.” he spat out the last word as though it was venom and the tone was so vicious it managed to make the other boy flinch. “I’m going the fuck back to my dorms if you don’t quite mind, thank you.”

 

He turned away sharply, bag slapping against his back and books almost toppling forward only to be stopped by his other hand, carefully cradling them to his chest.

 

“Right, then,” he heard Harry reply, voice colored deeply with amusement as watched him walk away. “and, um, what exactly do you plan on doing with the books you were carrying to the library in the first place?”

 

It made Louis stop in his tracks and blush, the redness of his cheeks resulting of a mixture of embarrassment and rage. This time, as all other times dealing with Harry fucking Styles, rage won out on the race to bursting through the surface.

 

“Fuck you, Styles.” was all he said as he turned back around towards the library and walked away from the three snickering boys with his head held high.

 

As they walked away behind him, the snickering was replaced by the sound of their heeled shoes hitting the floor beneath them with each step and the voice of one of the boys. “What even was that thing Xyan had in his bag? It’d have to be bad considering it made even McGonagall lose her shit and she dealt with Death Eaters!”

 

A loud honking laugh answered the question, slowly turning into wheezing giggles that Louis identified as Harry’s from their playground days. It had always made Harry embarrassed when he laughed like that and Louis could never really understand why he’s be bothered by the one thing that made him seem like a genuine human being.

 

Then they grew up and he realized that Harry rather liked to live behind a bedazzled mask of riches and indifference. It explained a lot.

 

“Do you really not know then, James?” asked Aaron and Louis could practically picture the soft fondness in the boy’s blue eyes as he spoke. It was all quite obvious, really, and getting quite ridiculous. “I’d have thought the smell would’ve clicked a memory on you.”

 

“I really don’t know! What is it? And stop laughing, Haz, it’s mean.”

 

There was a moment of silence in which Harry seemed to be attempting to get his breath and composure back and Louis’ steps slowed as he waited to hear what the other boy would answer.

 

“It was Wizard’s Weed, James, it was weed.”

 

It was said very softly and lowly almost as if Harry hadn’t wanted Louis to hear. That hadn’t worked, clearly, and the hallway being filled by the sound of James’ laughter and the sound of Louis’ books thumping against the floor as he tripped over nothing was enough confirmation.

 

That first time they sat together in the library to study had been, for lack of better word, interesting. There was an obvious tension between the three of them, Louis and Harry glaring harshly at each other while James and Aaron watched them, amused looks on their faces. The looks would disappear as soon as Harry turned towards them, the boys coughing into their fists and turning to glare at Louis. The boy would simply rolled his eyes at them and went back to scribbling key words onto his Niall-given notepad.

 

“I don’t understand the appeal in using those dreadfully muggle creations in a person of your blood purity, Tomlinson.” Harry had sniffed proudly, looking down at the notepad and pen in Louis’ hands with horrible distaste and disgust. Louis had simply huffed in annoyance and gone back to his writing. It was something about Charms and their theory, he was sure, he just couldn’t remember what exactly.

 

“You know, Tomlinson, it’s no use to write down a few words if you don’t even know what you’re writing about.” Harry had snatched the pad out of his hands, causing Louis to shout indignantly and glare up at him as he reached for it. “You’re writing something about possible substitutes for unicorn blood in potions in a page meant for Charms. Honestly, I’d thought you would at least pay attention to what you, yourself, were writing if you refused to even slightly listen to me.”

 

“Fuck you, Styles, it’s not my fault.” Louis had snapped at him, snatching the note pad back and setting it down in front of him, looking at the writing in his Charms book with only a slight amount of hope that at least some of it would start making sense. It didn’t. “This class is pure bulls shite anyway, I don’t think even Flitwick understands any of it.”

 

Harry had laughed at him, all snotty and pretentious just like he always was, and Louis felt shame start gnawing at his insides, burning hot and quick with every giggle that escaped Harry’s lips.

 

“It’s really not that hard, Louis.” Harry calling him by his first name had shocked him well out of his stupor and the redness of his cheeks was no longer due to embarrassment. It was rage, of course, yes. That’s what it was, nothing else. “You’re just too, um, focused,” he crooked two of his fingers inwards as he said the word, earning him a scowl from the smaller boy and a kick to the knee from James. “, on the theory of it and not what really matter which is the execution.”

 

“That sounded way more sexual than you probably intended it to be, Haz.” James laughed, slapping a hand over his lips in an attempt at stopping himself from laughing, only to fail miserably as soon as Harry glared at him over the table.

 

“The hell do you mean with execution, Styles?” Louis was fuming, most of his anger directed at himself for feeling even slightly endeared at Harry and his boys antics. He hated them, he did, his mind just wasn’t quite as aware of that fact, apparently. “I know damn well how to perform a fucking _Aqua Eructo_ , I’ve studied it for a bloody long time. It’s just fucking hard, alright?”

 

“It’s really not, Tomlinson. You just focus too much on studying the charms and not enough time actually performing them.” as soon as he finished talking, he shot both James and Aaron a heated glare daring them to make another joke about his descriptions, making Aaron throw up his hands in surrender with an amused smirk on his face and James laugh even harder than he’d already been.

 

“That has absolutely nothing to do with it, Styles, don’t be a fucking dick.”

 

“Language, Tomlinson.” he’d tutted, then sitting back against his chair, crossing one leg over the other and opening his arms sarcastically, shoving forward a goblet of water that Louis was well sure hadn’t been there a few seconds before. “Well, go on then, Mister Magic, show me how much studying can help with Charms.”

 

Louis had gritted his teeth together and shoved out of his seat, standing straight and staring ahead pointedly. He got out his wand and pointed it at the goblet and cast the charm. The water jetted up towards his wand immediately and he looked up at a smirking Harry proudly only for the water to fall straight back into the goblet, splashing the books on the table as it fell.

 

“Well?” Harry’s face and tone were horribly smug and Louis simply huffed stubbornly and fell back into his seat dejectedly.

 

“Fuck you, Styles, honestly.”

 

“Oh fuck off, Tomlinson, it wasn’t all that bad.” he straightened himself up on the chair and leaned forward, elbows on the table as he leant against them. “You’re casting wasn’t horrible, Tomlinson, but you can’t expect charms to just work because you’ve bloody studied them. You need to position your body accordingly to each spell and move your wand much more than those stale, brittle swings you insist on doing.”

 

“Well, if you’re so good at it, why don’t you fucking do it, Styles?”

 

Harry calmly stood up from his seat, pointed his wand at the goblet, his wrist in a dainty slump and cast, making the water jet up from the goblet seamlessly and twist around smoothly with every swish of his wand. He did that for a few seconds as Louis watched in poorly concealed amazement and gently guided the water back into its place.

“Well?” he smiled, extending his arms and bowing mockingly.

 

Louis just shot a stinging charm at him, making him yelp. At least he was good at those.

____

He’s reluctant to even think about it but Louis has got to admit that maybe, probably, having Harry Styles tutor him isn’t a completely horrible thing. He was still an insufferable prick that seemed to be constantly looking for the best way to have him in everything they discussed – well, everything except Potions, obviously, considering Louis was the highest grade in that class, but point made – but it was the first time in months Louis was actually able to get through more than five pages of reading material without imploding from stress while actually learning something from it all.

 

He won’t ever admit that to Niall, though. The bastard is smug enough as it is.

 

“Admit it.”

 

“There’s nothing to admit, Niall, he’s still an insufferable dick who very clearly needs to loosen up the twist he’s got his pants in.” Louis huffs, scraping his knife harshly against the white, porcelain plate in front of him. It makes a heinous screeching sound but it’s somehow relaxing to him, considering it drowns out Niall’s voice.

 

“You just don’t want to admit Niall was right, Lou,” Liam chirps in giddily, bouncing in his seat like a toddler on a sugar high and, honestly, what the fuck, Louis did not sign up for this. “He’s quite brilliant, you should know, there’s a reason he’s a Ravenclaw.”

 

There’s a stupidly dreamy look on his face and Louis thinks he probably just threw up a little in his mouth. How he, Louis Tomlinson of Yorkshire, brother of seven and son to the renowned potion’s master, Johanna Deakin, ended up stuck in a grimy table across from two of the most hopelessly infatuated people on the planet he’d never really know but he does not deserve this.

 

“Oi, quit it with the lovey bullshit,” he snapped his finger between the two boys’ faces, making them flinch back from each other. “Niall’s a right idiot and he knows it well enough himself, ain’t that right, Niall?”

 

“Sure, Lou.”

 

“There, mystery solved, back to eating now, please, Leem, we need to buy the booze for tonight.”

 

The aforementioned boy merely pouted at him, eyes narrowed in a much more menacing manner than his face allowed and turned back towards his plate, fork picking up pieces of greasy steak and potatoes.

 

Louis finished quickly after that, shoveling the food rapidly in hopes of getting out of the shady restaurant faster. After they’d left they walked at a leisurely place towards the new shops right on the edge of Hogsmeade, a small liquor store and a brand new sweets place both run by muggle born wizards and thus promising providers of different varieties of products.

 

On the way there, as Louis walked behind Liam and Niall, it was easy to see how much the two loved each other. There was always some point of contact between them, regardless of where they were and what they were doing, it was like witnessing the pull between two magnets up close, they were always touching, always gravitating towards each other, as if they were drawn to each other and they couldn’t help it. It they weren’t holding hands, there was an arm around a waist or thrown over a shoulder, if not there were elbows touching or fingertips brushing against each other.

 

It made Louis happy to see them like that, of course, they were his best mates and he would never be anything but happy for them for finding happiness in each other but, sometimes, especially when it got cold, it made him ache. It made him burrow tighter into his coat and shove his gloved hands deeper into his pockets as though the mere sight of them made him feel colder than he’d ever been.

 

He knows they notice, even if they do try to hide it to the best of their abilities but it’s difficult for them to stop touching each other at least fleetingly, even if they’re doing it for him. And Louis hates it, he really does, he hates the cold and he hates the ache and he hates the loneliness but, most of all, he hates being the reason they try to stay apart, because that’s the last thing he should ever be doing. He should be bringing them closer together and making sure they’re happy but instead his misery and singleness compels them to stay away from each other, if only physically, and Louis hasn’t got it in him to stop them because as much as he hates to admit it, it makes him feel just a little better to have them both by his side rather than a few feet away from him.

 

He’s come to the conclusion that he’s a horrible human being and an even worse friend. But, thankfully, alcohol is always there to comfort him and warm his bones, even if just for a short while somewhere in the Room, and that’s exactly what they’re headed for buying.

 

Yay.

 

“Could it get any more cold, do you think? Because my balls are fucking freezing.” his teeth are chattering together from the cold as he talks, tucking his arms around his side and into his armpits to keep the cold out. “I need some firewhisky, soon. Or some of that cinnamon vodka thing Niall introduced us to last year.”

 

“You mean Fireball, Lou? That shit’ll warm you up quick, for sure, but it will fuck you up twice as bas, you sure you wanna mess with it?” Niall chortled, stopping to let Louis catch up and tucking the smaller boy under his arm as soon as he stepped next to him. “Don’t quite think someone you’re size could handle the amounts I’m sure you’re thinking of ingesting.”

 

“Oi, fuck off, Ni, ‘course I can handle it.” Louis slapped a hand against the other boy’s stomach, making him laugh as he realized it was futile to even try to hurt him through all the padding he was wearing to keep out the cold. “Why the fuck didn’t we just Apparate to the liquor store from the restaurant? Would have saved my balls from getting as shriveled up from the cold as they are right now. Actually, why didn't you just cast a fucking warming charm? Would have saved us from this cold long ago."

 

"You could've cast it yourself, you know. Plus, I'm a muggle-born, Louis. An Irish one at that, we don't cast warming charms to ward off the cold. We either face it like men or die trying."

 

Louis just looked at him with an unimpressed look on his face and said "you're stupid" at the exact same time Liam piped in with a flat "most of you die, don't you?" 

 

Niall just laughed and kept walking, arm on Louis’ shoulder preventing him from running of in search of warmth as they reached the store. They made their purchases quick, casting a quick _Reducio_ on the bottles of alcohol as soon as they’d gotten to the Hogwarts grounds and shoving them inside their robes.

 

A few hours, and quite a few shots of some fruity, muggle drink Niall had said was called Limoncello, later Louis was feeling more carefree than he’d felt in the past few months. There was alcohol running in his veins and loud, muggle club music blasting through some, virtually invisible, device Niall called speakers and Louis was fucking happy.

 

He was singing loudly and dancing happily on whoever got close enough and it was all perfect. Not even the arrival of Harry Styles and his cronies was enough to deter him, the alcohol in his system making him smile and wave at them over the crowd before losing himself in the song playing once more.

 

There was a very pretty Hufflepuff behind him, hands gripping his hips harshly as he let Louis grind back on him to the beat of whatever tune was being blasted through the Room, drink in hand sloshing with every movement they made and Louis was quite glad. He could feel how affected the other boy was by his movements and he was enjoying it quite a lot, going so far as letting the boy get close enough to mouth at the sweat on his neck and have his hands wander from his hips to his waist and up and down, up and down in a dizzying wave of feeling.

 

He thinks the boy’s name is Aidan, but then again it’s also probably Adam so he won’t dwell on it much.

 

They were dancing to a relatively slow song when they’re interrupted by a large hand grabbing ahold of Louis’ waist and tugging him forward and away from Aiden/Adam’s warm body. He merely giggles and let’s himself be led forward, throwing a sweet wave over his shoulder at the now desolate boy.

 

“You know, Tomlinson, it’s not healthy to ingest that much alcohol in one night, it can hurt you.” says a familiar, lead slow voice, making Louis look up from under his lashes and giggle harder once he realizes just who had tugged him away from his fun time.

 

Figures, really.

 

“You’ve been making it your duty to get me away from socializing with all the tutoring sessions and now you’ve physically tugged me away from what could’ve been a very fun time. That’s mean.” there’s a cheeky pout on his face as he stares up at Harry, finger poking the taller boy gently in the chest before giggling and taking a sip of whatever is in his cup – he can’t really be bothered to tell.

 

“Well, I apologize for keeping you away from socializing then, Tomlinson.” Louis thinks his voice is fond and when he looks up there’s something that could probably be called softness in his eyes but Louis also feels like the room is spinning, so there’s not much certainty. “But I won’t apologize for tugging you away from him, he wasn’t worth your time or attention.”

 

Louis doesn’t really know _why_ it happens or how. Maybe it’s the alcohol singing fiery hymns of lust and fun and no inhibitions in his veins or maybe it’s the fact that Harry actually managed to look at him with something other than contempt while talking to him but – it happens.

 

And, suddenly Louis isn’t looking up at Harry anymore but rather lifting himself up slightly on the tips of his toes and pressing his lips against the other boy’s and the

……world

………….just

…………….…stops.

 

There’s no more pounding music or sweaty bodies pressing against him and leaving his skin sticky with sweat and sweet alcohol. There’s no sense of dizziness or nausea in the back of his mind anymore and there’s suddenly no floor either. It’s like someone’s cast a very strong _Leviosa_ on him and he can’t stop himself from just floating away.

 

There’s no lights or loud cheers there’s no him and no Harry, it’s just lips pressing together softly, opening gently and chasing each other. It’s soft and it’s gentle and Harry’s tongue is touching his lips, prying them apart tenderly and _oh god_ it feels so good, It’s all so much better than anything he’s ever experienced and it’s bright flashing lights across a dark sky and the implosion of a super nova somewhere behind Louis’ eyes and it’s so overwhelming and so good and what the fuck is he doing?

 

It’s the soft moan of pleasure ripping from his throat that sobers him up and makes him pull away, even as his body screams at him to _go back go back go back go back_. And it’s the shell shocked expression on Niall and Liam’s face from where they’re standing across the room watching it all unfold and it’s the softly uttered “Lou” Harry lets out that makes him run.

 

It’s stupid and it’s cowardly and he knows all this but he can’t stop himself from running out, running down flights of stairs and somehow finding his way into the Gryffindor common room and up the stairs to the top of the tower and into his dormitory.

 

And it makes no sense for him to start crying into his pillow but what just happened down there makes even less sense than all of this because he’s somehow got to deal with all of this. Has to deal with whatever his actions bring with them and it’s all shitty and he doesn’t want it. He now has to deal with explaining something to his friends that not even he understands and he has to deal with how good it felt and how much his body is thrumming with the need for _more more more_.

 

Most of all, though, he has to deal with the fact that he’s somehow found himself falling for Harry fucking Styles.

 

Fuck.


	2. Chapter 2

** chapter two **

****

It was hard to deal with, Louis had come to find out. He’d thought it’d be easy to just ignore the memory of the party and just put it all behind him and hope everybody else would do the same.

 

Hope is for the foolish, apparently.

 

He’d woken up with a horrible hangover the next day, making him down the contents of one of the small vial of hangover cure he kept in his bedside drawer and promptly choke on the bitter taste of it. It was only stupid hope that had kept him thinking through the night that maybe he’d wake up with absolutely no memory of the incident, only to wake up to vivid flashbacks and tingling lips.

 

He had refused to get up from his bed for half of the day, ignoring Niall and Liam’s concerned calls and their insistent pounding outside his door, sleeping away the bitter taste of brewed rosemary and the images of soft green eyes with hurt swimming in them and even softer lips that had somehow singlehandedly managed to ruin him.

 

He’d gotten up at some point, it was stupid to think he’d get away with ignoring everyone around him for a whole day, and walked down the stairs and into the common room with his head held high and proud only to find himself subject to pitying stares from his classmates and mocking smooching sounds from the younger students and run right back up the stairs. He fell asleep shortly after getting back to his room, cheeks warm with mortification and embarrassed tears streaming down his cheeks. He’d woken up because of a gentle nudge to his side, turning his eyes to a tray of warm food on his lap and two pairs of gentle, concerned eyes.

 

“I’m fine.” had been the first thing to come out of his mouth, voice croaky and low, only making his friends brows dip lower in concern. “Really, I am. Stop looking at me like I’m dying, it’s fucking annoying.”

 

Niall had let out a strained chuckle at that, looking at Liam with wariness bright in his eyes before turning back to Louis with a small smile on his lips, sitting next to him at the edge of the bed. “I’m sure you are, mate. But then again, you’re really not. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that fucking terrified and it scared the shit out of me.”

 

“Yeah, Lou.” Liam piped in gently, setting down a goblet of juice on Louis’ night table and watching as the boy shifted himself into a more comfortable position, sat with his back against the headboard, crimson sheets pooling in his lap and tray of food right on top of them. “I mean, you look proper scared shitless after you and Harry kis-”

 

“Please don’t say it.” Louis begged quietly, shoving a forkful of mash in his mouth after the words were out. “Just, please don’t.”

 

“Alright, then.” Niall clapped his hands together and took the small bowl of rice pudding on Louis’ tray, shooting Liam a subtly begging look as the boy opened his mouth and scratched at the back of his neck, clearly conflicted about Louis’ avoidance of the subject. “We won’t talk about it and it never happened. Done! Now, have you been studying for your Charms N.E.W.T properly or have you been avoiding it like the rest of this goddamned House?”

 

Louis had smiled gratefully at the boy and shoveled another forkful of mash into his mouth. And, for that moment, that was that.

 

That, of course, didn’t last much. Because of course it didn’t, the stars seemed to be set on fucking Louis over and he’d become accustomed to that, as pathetic as that sounded. Halfway through Sunday he’d realized that, as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t really afford to stop going to his tutoring sessions with Harry because, as much as he hated to admit it, it’d helped him more than he’d ever admit.

 

So, that’s how he’s managed to find himself standing in front of the library doors for the last fifteen minutes, considering his life choices and _does he really need Harry’s help anyway?_ It wouldn’t be completely horrible if he failed, many people fail the tests all the time, right? Right, like his mother would ever let him do that.

 

He was stumbled into for what seemed like the hundredth time since he’d been standing here and the jolt was enough to make him decide that he should _at least_ go inside. If worse came to worse he could just hide in the Forbidden Section and hope no one would come after him. Hope, right, fuck.

 

He pushed the doors open and found an actually _filled to the brim_ library which, wow, that’s something he’d never thought he’d witness. Professors are fucking them all up, clearly. He walked past the tables quickly, smiling and waving at a few people in his classes and stopping to talk to Xyan’s friend who all assured him that, yes, Xyan was fine and would be back to socializing next week when his detention time was up.

 

He spotted Harry’s goons in one of the tables by the windows, tucked into a corner away from everyone else and clearly meaning Louis could be mercilessly tortured and no one would notice.

 

Okay, so he was being a bit dramatic. Sorry.

 

He hoisted his bag higher on his back and tucked the pair of textbooks held in his hands into his arm and walked in their direction resolutely. All the way there he’d run through his mantra of _it never happened, don’t bring it up_ as many times as possible, fiddling with his fringe nervously and sending a silent prayer to whoever was listening up there. He was about five feet from the table when the boys shifted enough for him to finally see Harry and something warm and sweet unfurled in his belly against his will, heating his cheeks up and forcing a small smile onto his lips. His steps became quicker against his will and he hoisted his bag higher again.

 

He’d convinced himself he’d be able to be at the very least _cordial and decent_ to Harry and his boys considering, you know, they hadn’t actively pursued to ruin his life when he saw it. The smile on his face vanished and the warmth in his belly vanished, replaced by a furious icy coldness that twisted his insides tighter than any curse ever could.

 

The boy was sitting comfortably tucked into Harry’s side, shoulders covered by one of his arms in what Louis could only guess was an intimate embrace if the smile on his face was anything to go by. Harry was leaning back against his chair comfortably, paying absolutely no attention to the little Ravenclaw under his arm other than the warm embrace Louis was witnessing.

 

It felt like an icy serpent had wound itself tight around Louis and he couldn’t breathe or think rationally, the only thoughts running through his head filled with either rage or agony. He could swear he felt tears pushing at the back of his eyes, threatening to spill in a fit of absolute weakness but he pushed them back, shoving the heel of his hand against his eyes and schooling his features into a neutral expression before approaching the table.

 

When he reached the table none of the boys sitting there noticed his arrival, Aaron and James too immersed in a conversation with Harry and the Ravenclaw, who Louis didn’t really care to know the name of, too fascinated by Harry’s hair and his neck, going so far as mouthing at it shyly, giggling stupidly when Harry winked at him. The ice in Louis’ chest strangled him once again and he slammed his books down onto the table harshly, effectively shutting down every interaction in the table. He sat himself down on the only vacant seat, between the Ravenclaw and Aaron and slammed his bag on top of the books, rifling through it for one of Niall’s notepads and pens before closing it back up and shoving it underneath his feet.

 

The commotion had caused everyone at the table to startle, the little Ravenclaw unlatching himself from Harry as the boy straightened up and shoved him away rudely, making James snort and wave at Louis, before settling back onto his seat. Aaron simply smiled at Louis softly, a knowing look in his eyes that made Louis want to punch him and turn away and ignore them all for the next two hours. He’d get into too much trouble if he punched any of them, so he resorted to simply opening his Charms book and ignoring the group’s presence altogether.

 

“Hey, there, Louis, you alright?” Aaron asked as soon as Louis sat down, shifting in his seat to face Louis completely with a small smile on his face. The smile faltered a bit when he only got a small grunt from Louis as an answer, his brow furrowing in concern for the smaller boy and his apparent shift in mood. “You, uh, you seem a bit tired, long night?”

 

The question only gained him a glare from Louis when it made James snort rudely, the boy slamming his head down between his arms onto the table to suppress his laughter. Louis could see his shoulders shaking from laughter and he could feel rage and shame boiling up inside him, racing to reach the surface and expose themselves. His cheeks were red and warm and his heart raced, his hands clenching into fists around his book.

 

“Fuck off, Aaron.” he answered, words pushed through his teeth like a hiss, jaw clenched tightly in annoyance. “I’m fine.”

 

“Hi, I don’t think we’ve met?” the boy’s voice was sweet and shy as he extended a hand towards Louis, a small, gentle smile on his face as he talked. Louis really wanted to hate him, for some unknown reason, but, try as he might, he couldn’t find it in him to. He could at the very least pretend, though “I’m Alex, nice to meet you.”

 

“Louis, I’m sure it’s a pleasure.” his words were biting and sharp, managing to make the boy’s smile wipe clean off his face and the other boys around him stare at him in shocked confusion.

 

James and Aaron were looking at him knowingly, brows furrowed in reluctant concern and sympathy and it made Louis burn with shame. The look of blatant annoyance, hurt and disappointment on Harry’s face hurt him while simultaneously angering him just a bit more with every second that look remained. Nothing could beat the absolute shame and pain the hurt look on Alex’s face caused him.

 

He knew he was unfairly rude to the boy when he was only trying to be nice but, he just couldn’t help it. There was something at the back of his head that screamed at him to hate this kid, to hurt him until he stopped trying to take away what Louis wanted and he didn’t understand what it even was.

 

“What the actual fuck, Tomlinson?” Harry was visibly seething as he spoke, hands clenching in front of him as he stared him down, tone deceptively calm. “There’s absolutely no reason for you to be this hostile and rude to Alex when you don’t even know him.”

 

“Haz, it’s fine, um,” the boy cleared his throat and fiddled with the hair at the back of his neck nervously. “I can’t really expect to have everyone like me, can I? And, plus, I’m sure it’s got nothing to do with me, maybe he’s just having a bad day, don’t make it worse.”

 

He let out an awkward laugh and looked at Louis hopefully and Louis simply smiled ruefully, making the boy breathe out in relief slightly and send him a small smile. Harry looked between the two of them and simply rolled his eyes, settling back against his chair and throwing an arm around Alex once again, staring meaningfully at Louis as he did so. The action only made Louis’ mood worsen, causing the feeling in his chest to tighten, the iciness spreading all around him with renewed strength, enough to make his eyes flood with stinging, unshed tears.

 

Aaron seemed to notice his discomfort and leaned closer to him, throwing an arm around the boy’s small waist and cuddling him close, surprised when the boy fell against him pliantly, without any attempts to escape his hold. He saw Harry glare at where his arm fell around Louis and ignored it, tightening his hold on the boy as both a reassurance to the fragile boy in his arms and a warning to his best friend.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay, the, Lou?” he whispered to the boy, making the boy’s breathe hitch as he tried to hold in a sob and enticing a low growl from Harry, who was sitting across from them and a fond smile from James. Louis found himself cuddling deeper  into his chest sniffled, shoulders shaking as he fought to hold back his tears before pressing the heels of his hand to his eyes and sat up straight once again, clearing his throat as he worked to right himself.

 

“Yeah, I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I’m fucking fine. Fuck off.”

 

The boy simply continued to stare at Louis in concern, brow furrowed lightly and bottom lip tucked underneath his teeth. The weight of his stare only managed to make Louis feel even more suffocated in their presence. He could feel Aaron’s worried stare, Harry’s neutral scowl, James amusement and the Raveclaws’s cluelessness all burning into him turning his robes and skin into nothing but fire and smoke, choking him and not letting him breathe and oh god, he can’t breathe.

 

He could feel himself start to shake, hands trembling madly around his book and legs feeling like putty underneath him. His breathing was quickening and all he could force himself to concentrate on was his rapidly beating heart and the obscene weight their stares seemed to put on his lungs. He could feel the tears of frustration pushing at the back of his eyes, threatening to spill forward regardless of him willing them to or not and it made hi panic further. He dropped his head between his arms and sobbed out dryly, everything he was feeling was too much, everything he was hearing and smelling and seeing was just too much and he was overwhelmed. He was drowning on air and he hated himself for it.

 

There was a gentle touch to his back that brings him back to reality, the hand is warm and small, gently rubbing up and down on his back to ease him. He makes a conscious effort to level his breathing and time it along with every swipe of the hand. It takes him a while but he finally manages to calm down enough to sit himself up, looking to see who had managed to calm him and finding a softly smiling Alex. It makes him feel like shit all over again and he lets out a ragged breath before turning his eyes back onto the books in front of him.

 

“Are you done with your little hissy fit, the, Louis Tomlinson?” is all he hears Harry say and the hand on his back stills abruptly.

 

The words cut through him painfully and he can feel the stubborn tears pushing at his eyes once again. Rather than succumbing to the pain and anger inside him, he just pushes himself away from the table and runs out of the library, hands in his pocket one gripping his wand as the other scratches at his thigh in hopes of grounding himself.

 

He doesn’t look back to see their reaction and leaves his stuff forgotten on the table without any regard for them. The last thing he manages to hear before he falls through the doors of the library, chest heaving with sobs and tears streaming down his face is a loud yell of “what the actual fuck, Harry” from Alex and the sound of someone running after him.

 

There’s a shout of “wait, Louis” and the doors shut behind him.

 

He runs through the halls blindly, eyes blurred with tears and face hot with agony and mortification, hoping to find the entrance to the Gryffindor common room by pure instinct. He reaches it somehow, runs up the stairs and into the tower, pushes through the door to his room and lets himself fall onto the mattress in exhaustion.

 

He cries that night, lulls himself to sleep with tears running down his cheeks and heaving shoulders. He knows Liam comes in at some point, can hear the creak of the door opening and feels the weight of him on the bed before he even talks. Liam just shuffles closer, closes a warm hand around Louis' ankle and rubs over it with his thumb until it's all Louis can feel and falls into an even deeper slumber. The last thing he hears that night is the softly uttered "oh, Lou." Liam lets out and the small sniffle that follows it and it somehow manages to make him feel even worse than he already was.

 

He knows he's sleeping now, can feel the weight in his bones and the pull of drowsiness on his shoulders and he's quite sure he's dreaming right now but it all feels very real. He opened his eyes at some point during sleep and watched himself wander through the hallways of the castle, fingertips dragging along the walls and stepping softly along the floor. It was the only way he knew he was dreaming, having to watch himself, had it not been for that he'd have been easily convinced that he was merely walking along not remembering when he'd woken up.

 

He followed himself along the hallways blindly, watching curiously as the Louis before him wandered unknown hallways with as much ease as one could muster when walking through a potentially dangerous place in the pitch black darkness of the night without once taking out a wand and casting lumos to help see. It was disorienting and horribly tiring but he couldn't find it in himself to stop following, the curiosity of seeing where he was being lead to too big to ignore.

 

He takes a moment to truly observe the him that he's following. His chest is heaving and his shoulders are shaking and his breath is coming out short and cut off and he doesn't know how he'd manage to ignore that at first, thinking that there was anything calm about the Louis he's following. He tries getting closer, follows him up stairs and down hallways but no matter how much he tries, the other him seems to always be ten steps ahead of him. He doesn't know what happens after that, gets shaken from his sleep by the thudding sound of something falling in the room. The only image left from his dream is a pair of double doors with ornate carvings and a metal plate next to them that read Requirement.

 

By midday there's no memory of the dream left in his mind.

______

There's no better way to absolutely hate someone than by falling for them, apparently, Louis was just realizing. It makes absolutely no sense and he know but it also makes all the sense in the world and it's all because of Harry fucking Styles. He doesn't know how he managed to get himself into this mess, standing in the middle of the Potions classroom, screaming in Harry's face as everyone else watches in shocked amusement but he blames Amortentia potions and Harry.

 

Fuck them both.

 

He hadn't left his room all Sunday, preferring instead to lock himself up there and surround himself with books and notepads, eating whatever appeared on his bedside table and spelling away bathroom urges. It wasn't healthy and he was well aware of that, but Liam and Niall, along with what seemed to be the whole of the Gryffindor seventh years, looked to constantly remind him. 

 

Regardless of how unhealthy it was it had resulted in him having what was probably the most productive study session in the last few weeks and he was proud.

 

He'd actually found himself understanding what he read, taking notes that actually made sense and stayed on the subject they were supposed to be in and he was proud. He'd spent his Sunday that way and, surprisingly, he'd come to enjoy it. It probably had something to do with him managing to avoid seeing neither hair nor hide of Harry Styles the whole day and he wouldn't try to say otherwise.

 

Monday found him waking up at arse o'clock in the morning in order to prepare himself for the day's double Potions. He'd actually gone down to breakfast this time, sitting between Liam and Ashly Longbottom, a beautiful blonde haired girl with as many piercings on her ears as one could fit and bright lavender eyes, as Niall sat on the other side's of Liam. He'd deliberately sat himself in order to face the windows, turning himself away from the Slytherin table completely and managing to avoid looking at either Harry or his boys before he was obligated to. He felt the weight of their stares all throughout the meal and judging from the death glares Stan and Johnathan were sending towards the table he'd taken a wild shot and guessed that most of the stares where by part of the Ice Prince himself.

 

It'd taken about fifteen minutes of staring before Stan snapped, standing up from his place at the bench and screaming "Stop your bloody staring, Prince, or I'll go there and knock it off for you!" resulting in a barrage of insults and yells between the two House Tables until Professor Malfoy had stood up from the teacher's table and yelled out a firm enough! that had stopped them all dead.

 

Louis had eaten quickly after that, shoveling food into his mouth and following it down with juice quick enough to choke himself momentarily, enticing a gleeful cackle from Niall, a fond eye roll from Liam and a firm back patting from Ashly, who'd kept hitting him even after he'd managed to regain his breath, smiling beatifically when Louis had scowled at her. He'd left the dining hall a few minutes after that, flanked by Stan and Jonathan on each side as Niall and Liam walked in front.

 

They'd gotten to the Potions classroom down in the dungeons rather quickly, finding only a smattering of other seventh years from each House already inside. Louis had sat down with Liam and Niall in one of the benches closer to Professor Malfoy's desk, Stan and Jonathan filling the empty seats next to a pretty Hufflepuff in the one behind them.

 

From his seat he could see the little knickknacks Professor Malfoy had scattered on his desk, small bunches of tied up herbs, one vial of what looked like a Pepper Up drought and a few framed pictures of what looked like him and, oh, oh damn, that was Harry Potter next to him. And they were both wearing identical black suits and smiles, hands held together in front of their bodies with gleaming....rings on their fingers?! What?

 

He turned his body around, eyes never leaving the picture on the desk as he extended a hand and smacked Liam's arm with it repeatedly, frantically trying to get the other boy's attention and managing to gain not only his bout the other three boys' around them as well.

 

"Hey, Liam, look at that picture is that a-"

 

"Alright, good morning, class!" he was interrupted by Professor Malfoy's voice as he walked into the room, finely tailored robes billowing elegantly behind him as he walked down to his desk. "I hope you're all well rested and fed, considering you all had time to cause quite a fuzz back in the dining hall. I'm looking at you Mr. Lucas."

 

There was a small ripple of laughter around the room, Stan blushing warm pink under the Professors withering glance that was soon replaced with a playful smirk and wink before he turned back to the class.

 

"I must admit, I hadn't seen something like that happen since i was a student myself, I'd started worrying you'd all lost the spark Hogwarts' students were widely known for. My faith has been restored and McGonagall's crumbled. It's a good day so far." he smiled brightly as the class laughed at his comment and Louis found himself laughing right along with the rest of his peers. "Now, on a serious, class related not, we'll be working with the Amortentia potion today, it's a very potent love potion but we're only making it in order to study the process of it's making and the various characteristics that set it apart. It's a bit advanced, yes, but i'm quite sure most of you'll be able to pull it off and those who don't will still be able to experience it's effects with your peers' successful potions. Now, let's get to work, go along!"

 

As soon as they're given the assignment, Louis' excitement overshadows his curiosity regarding the framed picture on the desk and he immediately focuses all of his attention onto the small piece of parchment Professor Malfoy had sent onto their desks. His smile grew wider as he read the list of ingredients and information on the potion.

 

** Amortentia Potion. **

_Amortentia is the most powerful love potion in existence. It causes a powerful infatuation or obsession from the drinker. It has a distinctive mother-of-pearl sheen, and steam rises from it in characteristic spirals._

_It's considered to be a powerful and highly dangerous potion. As stated it's dangerous to underestimate a powerful infatuation. Despite its power, Amortentia doesn't create actual love; it's impossible to manufacture or imitate love. The person under the effect of the potion will only hold an obsession for the person who administered it._

_It has a different aroma for everyone who smells it, reminding each person of the things that they find most attractive, even if the person doesn't acknowledge or is unaware of their fondness for the object of their affection themselves_

**Ingredients:**

**\- Ashwinder Eggs  
\- Rose Thorns  
\- Peppermint  
\- Powdered Moonstone  
\- Pearl Dust**

 

It seemed like a dangerous potion to have Seventh Years brew and Louis loved it. The process of it proved to be a challenge, forcing the students to focus themselves completely on the potion and it's process, helping Louis fall into one of his famous Potions trances, where he seemed to just space out everything and everyone around him completely. He went through the process easily, humming softly under his breath as he crushed rose thorns and swirled in the powdered moonstone, helping Liam and Niall out at some points and earning himself a satisfied pat on the back from Professor Malfoy when he walked by their desk.

 

"Great job, as always, Louis."

 

It took a bit but he managed to complete it without any problems along the way, breathing out in relief when the potion finally got the prefect sheen and smoke swirls. It smelled of roses and icy peppermint and Louis wasn't quite sure if that was what the potion was supposed to smell like but considering everything else had gone accordingly, he's guessed it was. Once everyone had finished with their potions some successfully, others with belching, green concoctions in their cauldrons, Professor Malfoy had ordered them to all sit tight as he took the best ones up front.

 

After he placed the three on his desk he'd called them up front in groups of three, having them all stand in front of a cauldron each and inhale deeply and tell the rest of the group what it was they smelled. It was Louis, Niall and Liam's turn when it happened. They'd stood in front and followed Malfoy's instructions.

 

"It smells like chocolate frogs, spiked butterbeer and Niall's cologne." Liam had answered, looking at Niall happily as the rest of the class chuckled fondly.

 

"To me it smells like grass, pool clubs and Liam's toothpaste. Wow, how creepy am I?" said Niall, eliciting laughs from everyone in the room and a fond smile from Liam as he wrapped an arm around his waist and nuzzled into his neck before turning to Louis and smiling. "What's it smell like to you, Tommo?"

 

"Peppermint, roses and ice." he said, making Niall smile softly and shrug while Professor Malfoy chuckled and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "I don't get it, really, never really liked peppermint."

 

"Something must have made you change your mind then." Professor Malfoy chuckled and waved them off. "Ok, now, off you three go, back to your seats."

 

When they were walking back towards their bench, the door to the dungeons banged open and in walked a stone faced Harry with Alex cuddled under his arm and James and Aaron walking in behind them. Suddenly, Harry stopped, almost causing the two boys behind him to bump into him, and raised his head slightly, smelling the air around him, lips tugging into a smirk. He turned his eyes to Louis, smirk taking over his face.

 

"Have you really just brewed your own cologne, Tomlinson?" his voice booming over the classroom as the class fell into stunned silence at his words. "Couldn't afford to but more of it?"

 

It was then that the whole class fell into laughter, howling and all consuming as everyone, even Professor Malfoy laughed. It took a few moments for Harry to realize that they weren't laughing along with him but rather at him and his face changed from smug to confused. Louis couldn't find it in himself to laugh, too shocked out of his wits to do so.

 

"What? Why are you all laughing?"

 

"Glad you could make it, Mr. Styles." said Malfoy, a small smirk pulling at his lips as he continued. "We've just finished brewing Amortentia, would you like to join?"

 

It only served to make the class laugh even harder, this time joined by Harry's pack of companions and making the boy's cheeks warm red. In his embarrassment, he looked at Louis, shame in his eyes quickly replaced by anger and started to shout.

 

"You did this on purpose!"

 

"I bloody well did not, Styles! Professor Malfoy assigned Amortentia, so I made Amortentia! Stop being an ass!"

 

"There's no way you didn't do this on purpose, Tomlinson!" the boy screamed, pushing Louis back and making the class gasp. "You must have given me some sort of potion before i got here because there's no way I would ever be attracted to you enough to smell you in Amortentia otherwise!"

 

Louis stopped cold at those words, looking at Harry in shock, eyes wide and hurt as he stared. He could see the moment realization set into Harry's eyes and he saw the way he opened his mouth, ready to spill out bullshit apologies that he hoped would somehow sooth the pain in Louis' chest right now. He didn't let himself stay to hear him and just hauled ass and ran out of there.

 

It's how he finds himself running up a flight of stairs and into a hallway he’d never seen before, slowing himself down in order to try and calm down the heaving of his chest. He stops in front of a pair of wooden double doors with swirling designs etched on it and a plaque next to them, he doesn’t bother stopping himself to read. He pushed inside and walks across the room, doors shutting gently behind him.

 

As soon as the doors shut behind him, he let himself go, slumping down against the wall and unto the floor in a sobbing heap. His shoulders shook harshly with every heaving sob that ripped itself from his chest. He put his head between his knees, drawing them up to his chest and tucking them against his chest, arms wrapped around them to keep himself from falling apart. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, the feeling of heavy, cold dread coming back into his body tenfold making him quiver with every breath he took. He felt as though there was a block of ice sitting heavy on his chest, draining his lungs of the ability to draw in breaths and keep them there.

 

He was choking on air once again and all he could think about was how much he’d give to be sitting in his room back home at that moment, surrounded by his text books and note pads while his siblings toddled around the hallway. He could almost hear the sound of his mother screaming up the stairs that dinner was ready and they’d better come down as quick as they could, lest she give the house elves their meal, and then the resulting, indignant squeaking of the house elves asking her to please not give them eat, at least until the little masters had eaten. He could hear her warm laughter in that room and all he wanted was to be home right now, crying on her shoulder over his first broken heart caused by the one person he’d always promised himself to hate.

 

He could almost picture her soft, pitying stare and the warm smile she’d have on her face as she said _I know, darling, I know_. He just wanted to be home but he couldn’t and he felt his world crumbling apart as he drowned in his own thoughts and he couldn’t deal with this. He couldn’t deal with the jealousy and the denial and the hurt and the anger and the destruction of his heart, the shambles falling apart around green eyes that matched the color of the Slytherin House and long curls that had somehow managed to tangle him into them without his consent and it wasn’t okay and he needed his mom and he couldn’t deal with this.

 

While he was thinking of home and wanting to be able to be held in his mum’s arms just once more, the lanterns in the room lit by themselves, bathing the room in a warm hue of light that accentuated the items he had apparently managed to ignore when he walked in. He felt the warmth of the fire in the lanterns deep in his bones, saw the flickering of their dancing flames on the skin of his arms and lifted his head up. The sight before him made him gasp, enticing a fresh wave of tears to stream down his face as he took it all in. It was almost a perfect replica of the living room back home, the emerald green leather sofas and arm chairs scattered around in front of a roaring fireplace the exact same as the ones his mother had bought back when he was merely a child.

 

He got up slowly, walking around the room with a hand touching each piece of furniture reverently as he kept the other on his mouth to keep himself from crying out, he felt every inch of the green leather of the arm chairs, sitting on one and running his fingers through the small embroidered Slytherin House banner in the groove of it, exactly where his mother had spelled it on. The small, wooden table in the middle of it all made him sob as he ran his fingers on the mahogany, staring at the framed pictures of his whole family. In the middle of them all was one of his mum, smiling and waving happily at him as soon as she saw him.

 

He picked up the frame and held it gently in his hands, running a finger delicately on the piece of glass that protected the picture from being damaged, tracing the deep crinkles on the corners of her eyes as she smiled, missing how they’d felt when he touched them always making her smile warm even more. He hadn’t really let himself think much about her after it all happened, busying himself with extra courses and homework, and using his exams now as an excuse to evade the topic completely. It was easier to just immerse himself in his work and responsibilities than letting himself fall like this every day.

 

He hadn’t let himself think about how much he missed her until now, when he found himself with a broken heart and nobody to comfort him through it.

 

“I don’t think anyone has used this room in quite a bit, Louis Tomlinson.” the voice itself was unexpected, making louis whip around startled, clutching the picture of her to his chest as he saw him standing at the door. He was as carelessly beautiful as he always was, but there was a redness to his complexion that spoke of the rush he’d apparently been in when he stumbled upon the room. “Considering the state those lanterns are in, I’m it’s been at least a year since someone walked in here. It’s beautifully decorated, though.”

 

Louis just stared at him in confusion as he walked further into the room, doors shutting behind him and heels clicking with every step he took towards Louis. His hair was ruffled and it was a refreshing think to see, a little bit of disarray amid the perfection of everything else. It wasn’t until Harry had sat down on the sofa directly across from him that Louis had realized what had just happened.

 

“What are you doing here, Harry?” he sighed, there wasn’t much fight left in him and he didn’t feel like wasting it on another fight with Harry. It just didn’t seem worth it. “How did you even find me?”

 

“Well, I mean, I sort of ran after you when you ran out of the library and then when you went up the stairs leading here I lost sight of you and had to ask that one girl, um, Perrie, think? You know, the Ravenclaw? Well, she just sort of smiled at me weirdly and pointed to the doors to this room. They were quite hard to miss, honestly, I don’t know why I hadn’t seen them.” the boy was _rambling_ , Louis noticed and he couldn’t help but feel endeared as he kept talking, feeling a small smile creep up his face until he pushed it down, willingly submitting himself to the images of Harry and Alex back in the library.

 

It was a horrible thing to do to himself but he couldn’t let himself get endeared with the boy sitting in front of him. He couldn’t let himself become fond, because right now, even as he could feel himself falling deeper and deeper for this absolute asshole, he still had hope of getting over it at some point. However, he was well aware that as soon as he let himself get endeared with something as simple as Harry rambling, it was game over for him, and he wasn’t quite okay with that.

 

“As to what I’m doing here, I came to, um,” he cleared his throat, twirling the end of one curl around his finger again and again until it bunched up and he was forced to release it, only to go back to doing the same thing. “, I came to apologize, I guess.”

 

“You guess?” Louis asked, voice incredulous. He reluctantly set the picture down on the table and moved to sit himself down in the arm chair he’d seen by the fireplace when he’d first taken it all in as it was both the warmest and the one farthest from Harry, only to turn around and find that it was no longer there, forcing him to sit on the sofa directly in front of the other boy. “How can you say you’re here to apologize when you’re not even fucking sure that’s what you’re here for?”

 

“I am here to apologize, Louis.” Harry snapped in frustration, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and staring Louis straight in the eyes. “I’m sorry, okay? This isn’t bloody easy for me to do and I’m quite sure you know that but I’m so fucking sorry.”

 

“What are you sorry for, then, Harry? Do you even know why you’re apologizing? Or are you just doing it because your precious lap dogs and beautiful arm candy told you to?”

 

“Don’t talk about them like that, Louis. They all care about you much more than they probably care about me, okay? You know how much Aaron worries over you, always has, Alex seems to think you’re some helpless puppy with anger issues that just needs a little more love to get by even though he’s only known you for a few minutes and you were being a complete and total arsehole during that time. And James just thinks you’re the best thing since charmed tattoos.” Harry said, wiping a hand down his face, then running it through his hair. He was clearly agitated and it made Louis feel small, made him want to just tuck into himself every time Harry’s voice rose as he talked and it frustrated him.

“And I’m here to apologize for absolutely everything, alright? I’ve not quite been a good person since my brothers.”

 

“So, what? I’m suddenly supposed to accept a shitty apology after everything you’ve done to me because something happened to your brothers? You know, it’s just not fucking fair that you treat me and everyone else around you like we’re absolute scum, you ass!” he got himself of the chair and paced towards the other boy, stopping when he was directly in front of at such close proximity he could see the twitching of his jaw and he pushed at the taller boy’s chest. His own chest was heaving angrily, face blotched with red with agitation and his brow crumpled in annoyance. “We’re people just like you! I don’t know what the fuck happened to your brothers back in the war but it’s not our fucking fault, Harry! It’s not our fault-“

 

“They died in that war, Louis!” the other boy suddenly screamed and the air seemed to escape Louis’ lungs and freeze in the air around him. Harry’s eyes were swimming with tears, a horribly pained look in them that made Louis feel like he was the absolute lowest scum in the earth at that moment. “They died in that war and I couldn’t save them! I was useless and too small and my parents refused to put me in any danger and I couldn’t save them, Louis. I couldn’t save them.”

 

The last words come out in a broken whisper and the tears he’d been so stubbornly fighting off stream down his face, a small sob shaking his shoulders. He walked away from Louis slowly, steps shaky and unstable even on the solid cobble stone floor of the room, and towards the arm chair near the fireplace Louis hadn’t been aware had even appeared there once again. He sat himself on the edge of it, feet tucked into each other on the floor as he stared at the blazing fire in front of him.  

 

“I know, I know there’s absolutely no excuse for how I’ve managed to act for the last seven years and I’m not going to try to find one but they died in that war, Louis. And there was nothing I could do about it and my parent’s expected me to just be okay with that fact, so they just shipped me off to this hell of a school, where my brothers fucking died, without a second thought and I couldn’t deal with that. I just couldn’t so I found a way to make this place just a little bit more bearable and that just happened to be to become the biggest dick to walk these halls right after prepubescent Professor Malfoy.”

 

“Harry, I, I didn’t know, I’m so sorry.”

 

“It’s fine, it’s in the past, anyway.” he brushed it off with a wave of his hand, wiping at his eyes quickly and pushing himself up from his chair, walking back to the sofa and sitting down. Louis followed him, sitting himself back down on the armchair across from Harry and waiting for the other boy to talk. “I still want to, _need to_ , apologize. For everything, Louis. All of it.”

 

“What’s everything, then? The hostility? The teasing? The horrible comments you make about my family even after it all happened? There’s a lot to apologize for, Harry Styles and I’m sure you aren’t even aware of half of the shit you’ve done.”

 

“I’m here to apologize for _everything_ , Louis.” the boy cleared his throat and rubbed at his eyes, psyching himself up for what he was about to do, not quite sure what he expected to come out of it but hoping it caused what he wanted. “I’m sorry for every single, stupid hex I’ve shot at you in the past seven years. I’m sorry for all the teasing and annoyance I’ve caused you and your friends in the time we’ve known each other. I’m sorry I insulted Jay’s memory when I was completely aware that it was going to hurt you. I’m sorry for showing up at her funeral when I _knew_ you didn’t want me there. I’m sorry I never told you how much I cried for her passing and instead replaced what should have been support for rude insults about the rest of your family when, as you now know, I’m aware of how absolutely devastating losing a family member is. I’m especially sorry about that because I did it even when I know how much you were hurting and it just proves the point that I was absolutely horrible to you. I’m sorry for every rude remark I’ve made in the time we’ve known each other, even when you deserved them. I’m sorry for kissing you at the party and letting you run away.”

 

“What?” it was nothing but a whisper as it fell from Louis’ lips and what followed it was an absolute silence.

 

Nothing but the crisp snap of the burning wood in the fireplace could be heard at that moment and Louis could feel his heart trying to beat itself from his chest. He stared at the boy sitting in the sofa with his back slouched, not perfectly postured for the first time around Louis and there was nothing he could find to say at that moment. He felt like his world crumbled into nothing when Harry finally looked up and their eyes met. There was something burning behind the green of his eyes and he wasn’t quite sure what it was, only able to discern the feeling it caused within him.

 

“I’m sorry I kissed you and let you run away.” he repeated and Louis’ breath hitched. His heart was pounding in his throat and he could feel his heart splintering inside his chest as he processed Harry’s words “Let me clarify, I’m not sorry that I kissed you, Louis. I’m sorry I let you run away from me after.”

 

That was all it took for Louis. One minute he was sitting in the armchair, nails scraping at the leather on the armrests and the next he was on Harry, hands smacking at his chest as he yelled.

 

“You can’t fucking do that, Harry! You can’t just come into my life because my best friend made a stupid decision and turn it upside down, it’s not fair to me!” he was pretty sure he was sobbing as he talked, his hands never letting up their attack on Harry’s chest as he straddled him. “I’ve hated you my whole life! It’s the only thing that was ever fucking consistent, the only reliable and stable aspect of my existence and you just fucking had to tear it apart! You can’t just sit there and say you don’t regret kissing me when I’m supposed to be your most hated enemy, Styles, you just can’t!”

 

Harry never moved himself away from Louis’ frantic attacks, just sat there and let himself be hit over and over until Louis collapsed onto his chest, body heaving with his sobs and his tears soaking straight through Harry’s robes and shirt, making his skin moist and tacky. He let the boy cry there, never moving himself much more than his hand to run it up and down the boy’s back in reassurance. He didn’t talk and Louis appreciated that, wasn’t completely sure he’d be able to handle Harry fucking Styles offering reassuring words after something like this. He let himself enjoy the warmth the boy exuded, crying into his chest weakly and curling into him instinctively. It was as though they fit in perfectly to each other, like every curve of Louis’ body was made to fit against Harry’s and it was too much and not enough all at once.  

 

“You can’t just do this to me, now, you know.” he told Harry, lifting his head from his chest and looking him in the eyes. His voice was barely a whisper, fragile and soft, afraid to break the air of calm that had settled between them. “We’re in the middle of studying for exams and I don’t think I can handle this along with the stress of them.”

 

“That’s okay, I’m sure. I’m your tutor, remember? I’m supposed to help you out with dealing with exams.”

 

“Right, yeah.” he said, smiling as he looked at Harry. “Niall and his horrible, spontaneous ideas are responsible for that. I’d forgotten.”

 

“It wasn’t quite spontaneous or random, actually. I’d asked him to try and find a way to get you to talk to me without looking like you’d rather be anywhere else. Or at leasr have you be in the same room with me voluntarily. You just offered the perfect guise for it.”

 

“So you both took advantage of my desperation to not fail my exams? That’s just down right devious, Styles.”

 

It made the other boy laugh, a soft, warm sound that burst from his lips and made his shoulders shake. There were deep dimples in his cheeks and crinkles by his eyes and Louis could feel the fond smile slipping onto his face by just watching him laugh. The thought of having been the cause of that laugh warmed him deep in his core and filled him with something sweet and soft inside, making him feel like he was Apparating. It was a feeling of flying thought thin veils of mist, a sharp tug somewhere deep in his belly that managed to make him slightly uncomfortable and offer him a thrill simultaneously. It was amazing, but just as soon as the feeling surrounded his being, his mind assaulted him with the images of Harry and Alex in the library earlier and the veil was ripped apart harshly. It snapped him out of whatever stupor he had fallen into and he scrambled to get of Harry’s lap, chest heavy with, what he could now admit to himself was, jealousy and shame. His hasty movements made the smile on Harry’s face slip right off, replaced instead by a look of hurt confusion as he looked at Louis pace around the room.

 

“What? What’s wrong?” he asked, pushing himself up with the intentions of reaching out for Louis only to be stopped by the boy reaching a hand up and shaking his head. “What happened, now, Louis?”

 

“You still have Alex, Harry, that’s what happened.”

 

“I don’t have Alex, Louis. He’s nothing but a very close friend, I swear. Plus, it’s not like you’ve got anything to worry about, considering I’ve been pining after you for about 7 years now.” he walked towards Louis and stopped right in front of him, slowly extending a hand towards him to gauge his reaction and running his fingers down his cheeks when he realized Louis wouldn’t run away. “I’ve wanted you for so long, I could never choose anyone over you, let alone Alex.”

 

“You can’t actually mean that, Harry.”

 

“You’d be surprised to find out what I would do for you, Louis. I’ve been wanting you for so long it’s not even funny.” he let out a self-deprecating laugh and shuffled forward, arm going around Louis’ waist and pulling the boy closer to him. “It’s so pathetic even McGonagall noticed, said we were apparently “a younger version of Malfoy and Potter, hating each other for half their lives only to find they were actually in love the whole time” It was quite a weird thing to hear I’ll admit.”

 

Louis simply laughed and surged forward, connecting their lips gently and feeling Harry smile against his. It was just as dizzying a kiss sober, he still felt like the room was spinning and the floor had fallen out from under him. But it was amazing and he loved it and he could finally enjoy it without feeling guilty. It was freeing.

 

Niall and Liam weren’t all that surprised when they found out what had happened between him and Harry when he’d told them later that night. Niall has just smiled knowingly while Liam blubbered away as he hugged him tight. His sisters apparently already loved Harry, he’s charmed their socks off already considering they were all in his House and Louis couldn’t have asked for anything more.

 

He didn’t fail his exams when it came to it. Harry was a great tutor and he could admit that now, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say thank you to every single one of you. to whoever actually sat down and read this mess of a fic, thank you so much for giving it a chance, i will be eternally grateful. to

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it!


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